The Most Important Thing About Love...

This poetic piece of advice does not come from a song, but I feel it was too good (and too rare) to pass up. Somehow, somewhere along our society developed the belief that love is a flitting, finicky butterfly that lands on the fortunate for but a moment, and then flies away again. We teach our children that every princess has a perfect prince out there somewhere that will swoop in someday to knock them off their feet and take away all of their troubles for the rest of their life. Our perception of love has made many of us remain as selfish, entitlement-demanding adolescents when it comes to relationships and intimacy.

Don't believe me? Observe the portrayal of love in most of our songs, books, and movies. We extremely disproportionately emphasize the infatuation stage, omit much of the adjustment and reconciliation stages, and pretty much completely fail to explain what keeps love going strong in relationships that thrive for decades. We idolize unstable, immature relationships focused solely on sexual attraction and emotional infatuation. Our real appreciation should go to those couples that take that initial emotional high (a drug-like euphoria that psychologists say lasts about only a year) and nurture it into the deep and abiding love that truly lasts a life time. Such a love not only sustains the couple in all their needs, but also the children that it creates.

The New York Times recently displayed all that is wrong with our society's view of love as they praised a couple that met and "fell in love" at their children's school and left their respective spouses to marry each other in the pursuit of "love." (There was no mention of marital problems with their original spouses.)  Fortunately, most of the Times' readers are more wise then the reporting journalist: most of the article's comments lambasted the couple and the newspaper for their actions.  Leaving your spouse and kids for another woman or man just because they make your heart twitter again is the epitome of selfishness.  Approximately one-half of marriages today end in divorce, and those who don't get married have a much worse chance of remaining in a steady relationship.  What do you think this sharp increase in broken homes has done to us?  To our children?

More than ever, we need to learn what love really is, and what it takes to sustain and grow it.

  Chaos Theory


"The Most Important Thing About Love," from Chaos Theory


Ever heard of chaos theory, Ed? It's a science, tries to determine underlying patterns in chaotic systems like weather, ocean currents, blood flow sort of things. But it turns out that are few things more chaotic than the beat of a human heart. Its beating up, slowing down. Pretty face, flirty stares. It's always changing on what's happening to ourselves out there. It's an erratic S.O.B. But underneath all of that bump-da-bump mess, there is in fact a pattern, the truth, and it's love. The most important thing about love is that we choose to give it, and we choose to receive it. Making it the least random act in the entire universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal and all the dirt and makes us human.  If you can figure that out, the Jake Lee's in the world got nothing on you.

"Love Like Crazy" by Lee Brice

If you want to see what real love is, you only need go visit a couple that has been together for decades.  Long after the initial attraction has past, past all of the disagreements, hurt feelings and apologies, true love continues to sail through hoping for the best but ready to endure the worst.  True love is a decision that these couples made, again and again over the years, to be their spouse's best friend, to love them no matter what trials they come across.

It may seem crazy to some.  Humans are programed to look after themselves and to take an advantage over another when it comes along.  To truly love someone, you must open yourself up to be completely vulnerable to their actions.  But the rewards of such a intimate and trusting relationship have no other match in the world.

Choose your spouse very, very carefully, but once you have made your wise choice, abandon your own selfish desires and love them like crazy.  Work hard at cultivating your marriage and it will be there for a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment.

"Love Like Crazy" by Lee Brice

They called them crazy when they started out
Said seventeen's too young to know what loves about
They've been together fifty-eight years now
That’s crazy

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed
Yea that’s crazy

Just ask him how he did it; he'll say pull up a seat
It'll only take a minute, to tell you everything

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when he quit his job
Said them home computers, boy they'll never take off
He sold his one man shop to Microsoft
They paid like crazy

Just ask him how he made it
He'll tell you faith and sweat
And the heart of a faithful woman,
Who never let him forget

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common since
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Always treat your woman like a lady
Never get to old to call her baby
Never let your prayin knees get lazy
And love like crazy

They called him crazy when they started out
They've been together fifty-eight years now

Aint that crazy?

"Meet in the Middle" by Diamond Rio

Anyone who has been married for more than 6 months knows that there is no perfect marriage and certainly no perfect spouse.  No two independent human beings could come together seamlessly; there are always differences in opinions, ways of doing things, styles, etc. that though they be small, can build up major roadblocks between a couple.  To make matters worse, men and women are clearly wired differently: Men tend to approach things from a cold, logical perspective while women approach from a emotional, socially-sensitive perspective.  Sometimes when one party thinks they have approached a situation in a completely reasonable way, the other party finds their mate's actions very offensive.

Marriage and friendships do not involve a dissolution but rather a skillful blend and balance of personalities and wills.  Tolerance and compromise are the keys making it work.  When both parties focus on meeting their spouse halfway, rather than insisting on their own point of view, they come to find that they are much stronger together than they ever were apart.  My wife and I certainly have our moments, but my life changed very much for the good when we married; I am happier than I have ever been and I cannot imagine ever being separated from her.

"Meet in the Middle" by Diamond Rio

It was 700 fence posts
from your place to ours
Neither one of us was old enough to drive a car
sometimes it was rainin' and sometimes it would shine
we wore out that gravel road between your house and mine

I start walkin' your way you start walkin' mine
we meet in the middle 'neath that old Georgia pine
We gain a lot of ground 'cuz we both give a little
ain't no road to long when we meet in the middle

It's been 7 years tomorrow since we said our vows
under that old pine tree you oughta see it now
standin in the backyard remindin' me and you
that if we don't see eye to eye
there's something we can do

I start walkin' your way you start walkin' mine
we meet in the middle 'neath that old Georgia pine
We gain a lot of ground 'cuz we both give a little
ain't no road to long when we meet in the middle

Babe I love the way we work it out
That's what love is all about

"With Arms Wide Open" by Creed

If you sit back and think about it, it's mind-boggling that humans have the power within them to create life.  All of our scientists working for centuries in their billion-dollar laboratories have not been able to animate a single lifeless piece of matter, and yet mothers and fathers have been creating life as long as humans have existed.

There is an aura of magic, divinity around the birth of a child.  A fresh, innocent new soul entering into our presence.  A man and woman who has thus far only concerned themselves with themselves and each other now dedicate their means and energy to raising this bright but helpless little human.  To give them the nourishment and training they need to become strong and eventually self-sufficient.  The best of humanity is there when parents welcome a new child onto earth "with arms wide open."

"With Arms Wide Open" by Creed

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

Well I don't know if I'm ready
To be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open

If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open...

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open

"Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle

I've never had a daughter yet, but I'm pretty sure there is a special kind of love that only fathers and daughters can share. A father can be such an important influence in their little girl's life, teaching her what true manhood is and what to look for in their future husband. Then, as she comes of age, the father steps back as the "man" in his daughter's life for another worthy male to take his place for the rest of her life. With all that a father would do and sacrifice for his little girl, is there any other better example of true love?

"Butterfly Kisses" by Bob Carlisle

There's two things I know for sure
She was sent here from heaven, and she's Daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes
And I thank God for all of the joy in my life, oh but most of all...

For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
Walk beside the pony Daddy, it's my first ride
I know the cake looks funny Daddy, but I sure tried
Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet sixteen today
She's looking like her Mama, a little more everyday.
One part woman, the other part girl
To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls.
Trying her wings out in a great big world, but I remember...

Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
You know how much I love you Daddy, but if you don't mind
I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time.
With all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right
To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time, oh, like the wind the years go by.
Precious butterfly, spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today, she'll make a promise, and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bridegroom just staring at her
She asks me what I'm thinking, and I said I'm not sure.
I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl, and she leaned over...

Gave me butterfly kisses with her Mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair.
Walk me down the aisle Daddy, it's just about time.
Does my wedding gown look pretty Daddy? Daddy, don't cry.
Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must of done something right.

To deserve her love every morning, and butterfly kisses,
I couldn't ask God for more, than this is what love is.
I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember...
Every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses.